wish

i wrote this blog in another site a few months ago...but i thought that having this as my first entry here would be great so here it is..



A few nights ago I was having coffee with a friend. We were having a good conversation about so many things. After about an hour or so we suddenly came to the topic about wishes. She asked me to tell her the wish that I would say if ever we see a shooting star that night. I actually gave a lot of answers. I thought I said the nice answers because the ones I gave are the ones that would definitely get high scores in a beauty pageant. You know, the “world peace” type. Haha. Then my friend said she wants me to give a really personal answer. I couldn’t think of anything to say so I said to win in the lottery so I can buy everything that I want and need. Including somebody to love and love me back (or at least pretend to). Haha. Then we went on talking about other topics.
When I got home that night, I couldn’t fall asleep because the question about the personal wish kept on coming back in my mind. Then suddenly I thought of that “something" that I would really like to have..... A real embrace.
I wouldn’t wonder if that surprised you. It surprised me also. I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to be physically close to people. Physical closeness is not something I am comfortable with. I hate it when people talk to me with their faces too close to mine. I also don’t like it when somebody taps me to call my attention. That simple touch usually causes the tiny hairs on my body to rise. I also don’t like to sit too close to people. It just feels so awkward being too close to somebody else. So why “a real embrace”. I don’t know. Maybe because I haven’t been embraced for quite a long time already.
Maybe I am longing for that embrace…..
……to feel that closeness that would mean I am not alone…..
……to be wrapped in that power that would mean I am safe…..
……to be enveloped in that warmth that would mean I am loved……
……to feel the love that would fill the void in my heart….my life…..